


Coming Down

by Random_Fandom



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Angst, Batfamily Feels, M/M, im going to drown myself in angst, suprising amount of Damian and Tim brotherly feels, tim dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-09 17:47:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7811368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_Fandom/pseuds/Random_Fandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tim has six months to live he starts planning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tims smile was an awful thing. 

"I love you." The admission was a quiet explosion in the cold air. Jason took a desperate drag of his cigarette. 

There it was that terrible smile. Jason wanted to kiss him or punch him or set the world on fire just to see it again.

"You shouldn't." 

"I know." 

In the morning Tim would be gone. A wisp of dream Jason was never sure actually existed. In the daylight, these words would never be acknowledged. The crumpled sheets and the whispered kisses would be a secret neither remembered until the next time they found themselves in this position. 

For now, they sat on the balcony, Jason smoking another cigarette trying not to look at Tim in fear of saying something he would regret. Something like I love you too or I can't keep doing this.

So he smoked and Tim smiled and nothing more was said.

\--

Tim was gone before sunrise. It was always easy leaving. Jason would pretend to sleep ignoring whatever words of farewell Tim could muster the courage to say. Tim would close the door and head home to become the Tim Wayne-Drake people expected him to be.

\--

Admittedly this had not been the way Tim expected to die. He had always thought some villain would finally off him in a dramatic showdown. Wasn't that the way most people died in this business? Through fire and bullets and one last loud bang.

Yet it seemed fitting that he would die by no one's hands but his own. 

Detachedly he realized he was on the verge of a panic attack. Trembling hands let go of the letter that pronounced his death sentence.  
The cancer had already spread to his lungs, he had a year at most, maybe more if he went into intensive chemo. Six months before severe symptoms started showing. 

Tim did not intend to live once the severe symptoms started showing.

It was time to start planning.

\--

"No Dick I do not need you to come over with a basket full of puppy's."

"Are you sure? because I could be there in thirty minutes."

Having a conversation with Dick often felt like having an out of body experience.

"Dick I'm about to walk into a board meeting with stiff old white men-"

"I'm sure they would appreciate the puppies as well."

"Goodbye, Dick." Despite himself, Tim sounded amused. He hung on Dicks laughter.

He looked at his cell phone smile lingering.

The door to his office swung open. "Drake, why did you summon me here?" 

Tim didn't look at Damian. "I have something I need to discuss with you." It had been with some reluctance that Tim had realized he needed to confide in Damian if his plan was going to work. 

After a few moments of silence, Damian shifted and huffed

"Well, Drake, don't waste my time."

"Sit down Damian it's going to be a long day."

\--

"I disagree with your plan."

Tim gave Damian a soft smile "I know."

It was strange how far they had come. After six years Damian and he had come to an understanding. A brotherhood that would never be the easy thing they had with Dick. All the same, it was more than Tim had ever expected from Damian.

"When I'm gone-"

"Drake,"

"When I'm gone someone's going to have to take over. Dick has never been suited for boardroom meetings, Jason is legally dead and Bruce is getting old. You would have started to learn the ropes in a few years anyways just view it as speeding up the schedule." 

Damian brusquely got up . "This is not speeding up a schedule, this is you dying."

"Damian," Tim calmly looked at him, "this was always going to be your legacy. Isn't this what you've always wanted?" He knew it was cruel of him to say that.

Damian paled "Not like this."

"Remeber when we used to try to kill each other." Damian's glare could have flayed skin. "You have to admit there is a certain irony to this."

Damian started pacing furiously "How can you be so calm Drake you- How- I-"  
Tim was surprised, he honestly hadn't been expecting Damian to react in this way.  
"Damian," he said softly "I'm sorry."

Damian collapsed back into the chair. "Do not keep this from Father or Grayson." He said it like a command yet it sounded like begging.

Tim's gaze was pitying, "You know I can't tell them. They'll drive themselves mad trying to find a cure. This isn't something they can save me from." He paused, "Will you do it?"

In the silence that followed Tim wondered if he had misstepped. He regretted having to lay this burden on Damian's shoulders but when he died he needed to know that the family would be all right. Someone would have to take his place.

"Yes." 

Tim gave a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Damian"

\--

The bar was half full. Or was it half empty? It was strange. Knowing he was going to die filled him with a certain optimism Tim had never felt before. It felt like flying. Or falling. Really the only difference was the ending.

\--  
Tim was drunk and making terrible decisions. 

"Jason," he giggled banging on the door,"open up." 

Some small part of his brain was screaming that he should not be here. The rest was too consumed with the need to see Jason. 

"What in the ever loving fuck."

"Jason," Tims smiled wide and stupid "you're here."

"Jesus christ, baby bird, its six in the afternoon."

"It's been a long day." It took all of his concentration to not slur his words.

"Get in here Jesus it's a fucking miracle you didn't get jumped."

Tim let Jason pull him in and shove him on the sofa.

"Please, as if anyone could handle my ninja skills."

Jason was swearing in the kitchen. Tim still hadn't stopped smiling. "God Tim here sober the fuck up." Half of the water sloshed onto Tim as he drank. 

"I don't wanna be sober." Tim gave him the empty cup. "I wanna be drunk and make bad decisions."

"This is certainly a step in the right direction."

Tim laughed high and giddy. Jason was entirely too bewildered with this situation. He retreated to the kitchen to get more water. "What the fuck are you even-" He let out a sigh. Tim was fast asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Tim woke and immediately regretted it. His head pounded and his throat was parched.  
"About fucking time. I was wondering if you had died on me."  
Jason in was in his Red Hood getup.

"What time is it?" Tim groaned. 

"2 am. At least you finally got 8 hours of sleep." 

Tims' head hurt too much to come up with a witty retort. "Fuck you."

Jason snorted and took off his mask. "Next time I'll just let you get jumped."

"I should go." Tim didn't move.

Jason shoved aspirin and water into his hands. Tim stared at the aspirin. "Thanks." his voice was small and tired.

Jason sat on the other end of the couch unloading his guns.

For a while, neither spoke. 

\--

"Damian you can not just intimidate your employs into doing your bidding."

"Why not" Damien crossed his arms, "it's what you do."

"No that is not what I do."

"tt, yes, it is." 

Tim resisted the urge to childishly stick out his tongue and say no it isn't.

"No Damian I establish a personal connection, I ask about their family, I understand their needs, I treat them like people but I also make it clear that I am their boss and destroy the incompetent. You can't treat your employs like slaves."

Damian still had the same stubborn look on his face.

Tim felt utterly exhausted. "Damian please."

"I do not think I will be able to fill your position." The words were gritted out as Damian looked at everything but Tims' face. 

Tim felt so, so tired.

"Did I ever tell you about why I became Robin?" Damian's eyes snapped to Tims "Jason was dead and Bruce was falling apart. I never actually wanted to be Robin. How could I compare to Dick or Jason the spunky boys who made Batman laugh." Tim shook his head "But someone had to help him because Batman was falling apart. So I became the third Robin. The one Bruce never chose but was forced on him by necessity. The one who stumbled every step of the way, unsure and unworthy and unwanted. But do you know why I did it?" Tim met Damian eyes "Becuase someone has to and no one else will."

"Drake-"

"I understand Damian and god, trust me, if I could I wouldn't lay this burden on you. But someone has to be here and there's no one else. So it doesn't matter if you feel like every step of the way you're failing as long as you're here keeping things functional because that is what this city, this family, Batman, is going to need." It was a harsh reality Tim had lived with the moment he became a Robin. "Do you understand?"

Damian didn't look away. "Yes." 

"I am sorry Damian."

"As am I, Drake"

\--

Dick was bouncing around Tim's apartment. "I'm going to propose."

Tim choked on his coffee. "To Barabara?"

"No to that other redhead I love." Dick laughed "Of course to Barbara."

"Congratulations" Tim smiled wide and warm. "It's about time she made an honest man out of you."

Dick laughed bright and loud and honest "Will you be my best man?" 

Oh. Oh. 

Tim wanted to say no. Wanted to say I'll be dead then. Wanted to say I'm dying Dick I am so sorry. Instead, he said, "Of course."

Dick hugged him and Tim held on tight.

"Do you think I can convince Damian to be the flower girl?"

"I'm sure he'd look stunning with a flower crown."

And they laughed and laughed and laughed.

\--

I'm am so sorry. Oh, big brother, I am so sorry. 

\--

"What does dying feel like?"

Tim was spread out on the sheets still flying high on post orgasmic bliss. 

"It feels like being dead."

\--

In another universe, it would have been Steph. If he had never loved Robin. If he had never met Jason. 

If, if, if.

In the end, he couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to Steph, to say everything he wanted to. Instead, they met for coffee, for movies, for simply being in each others presence, the goodbye sticking to his tongue like a bitter after taste. 

Instead, he wrote her a letter. It wasn't nearly enough. Another injustice Steph didn't deserve and he couldn't fix. She would understand and he would be undeserving of her forgiveness. Some things never change. 

\--

Tim stared up at the computers suppressing a cough. These days Tim always felt like coughing. 

"Tim what are you doing."

Shit.

"Slow night?"

Bruce took off the cowl. "Yes. I didn't know you were working a case."

Tim very carefully considered his answer.  
"I'm not."

"Then what are you doing?"

"I can't just be visiting?"

"When was the last time you just visited?"

"Maybe I should start."

"Tim." The batman growl slipped into Bruce's voice.

Tim coughed hard and ragged. 

"Are you sick?" Tim could feel Bruce's frown.

"Yes, I'm arranging patrols to cover my area. I won't be out for a while."

"Are you okay?" Tim felt Bruce's hand on his shoulder. "Is there anything you need?"

Tim didn't stop looking at the screens. "Everything's fine. I'm just a bit under the weather."

Bruce's frowned deepened. "You've lost your spleen and refused to stop patrolling."

Tim understood the question. He turned to Bruce. "Really I'm fine it's just a bit overwhelmed with my CEO duties and the teen titans and patrolling and being sick. It's nothing to worry about."

Brue didn't stop frowning. "Of course." Tim turned back to the computers. Bruce left still frowning to shower.  
Tim released a breath of relief.  
The only Robin that could lie to Batman. It felt like a curse.


	3. Chapter 3

"Those things are going to kill you." They were on the balcony again. Jason gave a humorless laugh. "We both know this life will kill me before this death stick does."

Tim shrugged, it was true enough. "Give me one."

Jason looked at Tim sardonically "No, these things can kill you," Tim snorted and stole Jason's packet. "you'll get cancer, then what will you do." Jason continued. 

Tim laughed until there were tears in his eyes

He lit the cigarette. 

\-- 

Tim had always found the trophy cases eerie. Strange commemorations to the war that was Gotham, to the lives sacrificed for this godforsaken mission. Yet the one that always put him off the most was Jason's memorial. The grave of a boy that did and didn't die. Would Bruce do this with his uniform? Another dead boy to add to his martyrdom. Tim would make sure to burn it before he died. 

A cough caught him by surprise. Before he could cover his mouth a thin spray of blood hit the case. When the coughing subsided Tim could only stare at the blood. 

It was a long time before he moved.

\--

"Hello, Master Tim."

"Hello, Alfred."

"It has been a while since you have come to the manor." The words were said with mild reproach. Tim felt like a kid again. 

"Sorry, Alfred I promise I'll come and say hello more often."

Alfred gave him a look. Tim suppressed the urge to bow his head like a scolded child.

"Of course Master Tim. Would you like some tea."

"I would love some Alfred, thank you."

\--

When Tim went back down to the cave Damian and Dick were changing back into clothes.

Dick was moving gingerly as he put on a shirt.

"Rought night?" Tim said while checking the feeds.

"Some guy got a lucky shot."

"tt, you were careless Grayson." 

Damian was scowling close to Dick, arms crossed and pretending he wasn't hovering.

"Aw, I knew you cared." 

"tt, I prefer it when I don't have to save your ass."

Dick started to laugh before stopping and clutching his ribs. Tim moved from the monitors to check on Dick.  
"Let me see."  
Dick lifted his shirt.  
"Jesus, Dick."  
Already his ribs were covered in dark bruises.

"Sit, I'll get supplies."  
As Tim walked back with said supplies he heard Damien say "-be more careful." in a reproachful tone.  
"I know little brother, I know." answered Dick quiet and tired.  
When Dick saw Tim he smiled and said, "At least Tim will always be around to patch me up."

Tim's step stuttered and Damien looked away.

"Of course Dick, I'll always be around to patch you up."

\--

"Drake you must tell them."

"When I die-"

"God damn it, Drake."

"When I die make sure Bruce doesn't commemorate me in the cave. I refuse to be another of his failures."

"I think Father considers you to be many things. A failure is not one of them."

Tim gave a half smile "Bruce considers not being able to singlehandedly save everyone a failure. More so for those close to him. He will consider my not telling him about this and my death as a failure on his part."

"If you just told him-"

"Then he would drive himself mad trying to cure me with the same outcome. At least this way I can minimize the commotion my death will cause."

"How cavalier."

Tim shrugged.

"What if he did find a cure. There's magic in the world Drake nothing is impossible. You could be throwing away your life simply because you won't tell them."

"I'm tired Damian. I refuse to be dragged around the universe in a desperate attempt to find a cure. I don't want pitying gazes and what ifs. I will die on my terms and no one else's."

"I'm not sure if this is immense stupidity or immense bravery."

Tim laughed "It is immense cowardice."

\--

Tims words stuck with Damien for a while. The next time he was in the Batcave he gravitated towards the trophy cases. A spot of red drew his gaze. On Jason's case, there was a single spot of dried blood. Damien stared and the reality of Tim dying hit him fast and startling. 

He cleaned the blood and left.

\--

The coughs racked Tims frame. When he pulled his tissue away it was covered in blood. With shaking hands, he threw the tissue away. The constant headache grew in intensity. When he looked in the mirror he could see his yellowing skin and thinning face. He was running out of time.

\--

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Shit. Tim had planned for the rest of the family. Had made excuses with Bruce, Dick, Steph Kon, everybody in between. He had forgotten to plan for Jason. He hadn't expected him to come around when he had known he was sick. So waking up to find Jason in his room was a strange thing. He was still half-convinced he was dreaming. 

"I'm sick"

"With what? It looks like you're dying."

It hurt to laugh. 

"I'm fine."

At Jason's glare, he elaborated. "Just a case of light pneumonia."

Jason snorted. "Jesus kid."

"Yeah sorry I'm not up for our usual activities." 

"I'm not an idiot, I can see that. Have you gone to the hospital?"

"It's fine," Tim started to fall asleep "I just need some soup."

When Tim woke up again he was convinced he was hallucinating.

"You made me soup."

"Do you need aspirin?"

"You made me soup."

Jason touched his forehead. "You aren't hallucinating, are you?" 

"I'm not entirely sure."

Jason stayed until the sunset. Tim kept wanting to ask why. Wanting to ask what this meant. Wanted to say stop. I'm dying. I can't. Please don't love me, God, please don't love me. Tim had been okay with selfishly continuing his thing with Jason when he was sure Jason didn't love him. 

In the end, he didn't have the courage to say anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I should add a scene with Kon. Meh here is this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

"And remember to play to everybody's strengths. I've updated the system and theirs a file on everybody and how to manage the team." 

The alarm was slowly growing on Kon's face.

"Tim why are you telling me this."

"Becuase it's important information."

"You lead the team why are you telling me this."

Tim suppressed a sigh.

"Superheroing is a risky business and we can't all be nearly invincible superboy. This is just in cased something happens, someone will have to know where this information is."

"You aren't planning on dying anytime soon. Are you?" Kon said joke falling a bit flat.

Tim laugh was plastic. "Of course not. But just in case I want you to know you are the best friend I've ever had." 

Kon's smile was warm and worried. "You too, man."

By the time Tim left his smile was only warm. Tim had joked and laughed until Kon forgot he was prepping him for his eventual death.

Tim hoped Kon would remember this as a happy memory. 

\--

"You have reached Cass's voicemail."

Tim smiled ruefully at nothing. "Hey, Cass. I was just calling to say... just calling I guess. I don't really know what to say. I wish I could do this in person. You always understood better without words. Make sure they don't rip themselves apart after. Watch over them for them for me. I'll miss you, sis, I love you.

\--

"I'm not ready."

"We never are."

"If you don't tell Father than I will."

Tim looked at Damien drolly "No you won't."

"Drake, this cannot continue."

"No, I don't think I'll last much longer."

"Christ Drake."

"Hey Damien," Tim gave him a bright smile, "You were the perfect, terrible little brother I never wanted. I'm glad we met."

"As am I, Drake."

\--

"She said yes!"

Dick lept on Tim.

"She said yes!"

Tim laughed, "Of course she did you dummy."

"We're planning for a summer wedding. You'll be there right?"

"Of course. Wouldn't miss my big brother's wedding for the world."

Dick hugged him again. "I have to go tell everyone I know."

"There's a thing called phones you know." 

"Wouldn't be the same! Love you little brother." With that, Dick was gone.

Tim gently closed the door. "Love you too Dick."

\--

Tim wanted one more night as Red Robin. Just one. He suited up, ignoring the pain in his bones, the ache that never went away. Just one last time.

\--  
He understood why Batman loved to brood from up high. The view was spectacular. 

"Red Robin. Should you be out here?" Tim wasn't really surprised when Bruce found him, Gotham had been too quiet to keep his attention.

"Probably not." Tim gave a small shrug, "When have we ever done the healthy thing."

Tim was surprised when Bruce sat next to him. 

"What's really wrong with you?"

Tim froze "What do you mean."

"Red Robin I am not an idiot. This isn't pneumonia."

Tim held felt his heart stop.

"No. It isn't."

"Red Ro-"

"Thank you, Bruce." Tim turned looking at him with a tiny little smile. "For everything." 

"Whatever it is we can-"

"No."

"Red Robin." 

"You know I always wondered," Tim looked away he wasn't brave enough to say this while looking at Batman. "If you actually considered me as your son,"

"Timothy" The word was barely a whisper.

"I mean, I wasn't Dick or Jason. You chose them, I just kinda shoved myself into your life. Now I know." Tim smiled a soft sad thing "Thank you for everything."

"Timothy, if I ever led you to believe I did not care for you- I never meant to- I was never-"

"I know, it's okay." 

"No, it is not. I have truly failed you. I have always considered you as my son. You did not impose yourself on my life, you saved me from becoming something terrible. Without you, I would not be the man I am today. You are my son and I am sorry I did not make that clear."

Tim smiled sad and simple. "I know."

"I will find a way to help you."

"There are some things even Batman can't fight."

\--

The night's adventures had exhausted Tim, leaving him entirely unprepared for Jason. He didn't know why he kept being surprised by his presence. He was there every night yet every night Tim was surprised to see him.

"Jesus fuck baby bird only an idiot would go patrolling in your condition."

Tim wheezed out a laugh and collapsed on the couch.

"Here drink some tea. You're going to the hospital tomorrow if I have to drag you there myself."

Tim waved a hand in the air already half asleep. "Please, you'll be gone by morning. You always leave."

"Fuck you."

"Naw it's fine. It's better this way you know? This way you won't get hurt as bad. As long as you don't love me I can be selfish." 

Tim fell asleep before he could hear Jason's reply but he dreamed of Jason. Of a future, they wouldn't have and words he'd never hear.

Jason stared at Tim. "Too late I already love you." his whisper was a cross between horrified and awed. 

\--

Tim Drake entered the building just before sunset. By the time he made it to the roof he was exhausted, wheezing and coughing blood. He stood on the roof for ten minutes watching the city catch flame with the dying light.

Then he flew one last time.

Falling, falling, falling. 

The only difference is the ending.


	5. Chapter 5

Tim Wayne's funeral was large and full of reporters and false platitudes. 

Tim Drake's funeral was silent. 

 

Steph found the letter. She cried and she laughed and she forgave him. Some things never change. 

Cass watched over her family. She could offer no words so she gave actions instead. 

Kon used the files Tim had so carefully laid out and thought of the adventures they'd shared and that last happy memory. 

Damian cursed him in every language he knew. He wept in silence. The company didn't fall. He stumbled and fell and cursed and lead. Timothy had taught him well. 

Dick would sit at his grave and tell him everything. Tell him about Barbra and the wedding and the absentee best man. Years later he would sit and tell him about his tiny little girl and her bright red hair. 

Alfred visited his grave only once. He said nothing but thought of the boy soldiers that this city consumed. Thought of sacrifices young boys should not make. Thought of all the lost children that never went home. 

No one ever saw Jason as he laid asphodel's on his grave. 

\--

"Why asphodel's?" Jason had asked twirling the flower. 

Tim plucked the flower from his hand. 

"My regrets shall follow you to the grave"

Tim's smile was an awful thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Buy me a coffee?
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/randomfandom


End file.
